It has never been my intention to try and please everybody. Actually, it has always been my intention to try and not displease anybody. Which, as it turns out, is much harder work. It's like Zoloft for human interacting. Cutting off the highs and lows, the risks and the results just so no one walks away from me with a passionate enough of an understanding of what they liked...or for what they didn't like.
And I'm not gonna go head to head with those of you who might disagree with me, but I will say, if you have been living your life trying to be irrelevant, then, you probably know what I mean. Trying to get along, trying to get by, trying not displease anyone in the way of your latest high. It's certainly no easy task, being irrelevant.
Since I have grown tired of this silly little game, I think its time I became relevant, or irrelevant, depending on who you ask. Because the perception will go both ways. 50 percent of the people will hate you for it and 50 percent of the people will love you for it. But 100 percent of you will be true, to you. If we only worry about those who will love us for our relevance or irrelevance then we are just trying to please, and if we only concentrate on the 50 percent that will disagree on us, then we will only be concerned with our own demise in the eyes of others. It's time, for me...and maybe for you too, to stop caring what others think and just 'be'.
When everyone agrees on you, you become even more irrelevant. You disappear. That's why there are 5 words for good, and 5000 for bad. Which is why I'm not really interested in who and what agrees on me. I think I owe it to myself and to others to disregard the opinions of the 50/50 draw. Living life creatively and passionately while writing a negative life review of it simultaneously, is a great way to live unhappily. Of course it will take some time to stop being aware of being unaware. But I think that's wherein lies the beauty. Finding yourself, being content with yourself, and creating your life as it comes at you.
Do you see what I am saying? It's time to risk it all on life and how I want to live it. Because if I don't, I think I'll disappear. And maybe the best way to get to where I want to be. To disappear for a while, to be a aware of being totally unaware, and to consider the consideration that life IS what we make it. It all depends of who you ask, I suppose. But what I'm suggesting is that we don't ask anybody. We only ask ourselves. If you are not sure of what you love, and can be swayed by other peoples opinions, that means you can be talked out of it, and that's probably the scariest notion of all. Find out what you love, be it a piece of art, what city to live in, what job to have, what sandwich to have, or what underwear are comfiest, find whats good for you. No one else can tell you whats best for you, except you.
Is your boyfriend cute? Were your parents always right? Should you take that promotion and move to India? Are you going to wear that hat out? Was I wearing "mom" jeans the other day, or were they just high wasted pants?
Depends who you ask.
Which is an excellent reason to stop asking all together. Nobody's life goals, views, or shoes will ever be exactly like your own. And in those times where all you seem to do is clash with the answers you are asking, it is then that you will have to walk alone. Sound scarey? Sure. But if you do it with just the right of confidence and self-assurance, you might just find that you know whats best for you.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Live each day like it's your last...
Maybe it's just me but, I don't accept the notion of "live each day like it's your last". Mainly because that kind of advice would get me arrested on a daily basis. Because if someone told me it was my last day, you better believe I'd be like "No WAY, pal. It's my last day! I'm gonna live it up!"
It's so limiting and arresting. It keeps us in limbo. Only living for one day, everyday. Never looking forward, never dreaming, never reaching around your own current situations and your thoughts to see a better, brighter, more vibrant future. If you only live for the day, you only ever live one day, in essence, because of course, you are living one day at a time, every day, consecutively, not concurrently.
And I also have to believe that (for me, anyway) it would often lead to a lot of carelessness and foolish behaviour. If we are under the notion that everyday is, or very well could be our last, then, in theory, there would be no consequences. Which is why I say, my 'last day' would get me arrested. Living for each day, singular, would lead to so much disconnection. Would we ever really connect with people?! With OUR people? I really don't think we would. I know I'd be out doing shit. Nothing in particular, just shit I wanna do. Shit that I haven't done yet. I'd sing somewhere, I'd travel somewhere, I'd probably get silly on some drinks, and what the hell, it's my last day, experiment in the art of hallucinating. Actually, I probably would skip the drugs, wouldn't want to shorten up the last day just because I got a little over zealous with some funny mushrooms.
But if we live each day like we are going to live forever, then we have all the time in the world to accomplish what we want to accomplish, see what we want to see, and do everything we want to do. It would leave so much open air time to just 'be'. To be in each moment, big or small. Whether it's a coffee with a friend, or dancing naked on the Eiffel Tower, we'd be 'in' every moment and not just getting through each moment to skip on to the next. And if we are just living for the moment or the day, are we really aware or conscious of what kind of reverberations will be felt by out actions?! Probably not. So living for the moment is fine, as long as you are aware that chances are you are probably going to be here tomorrow to see the results of your actions. Because it is nice to be able to be free and be doing what you want when you want, as long as you aren't deliberating hurting anyone along the way. Scratch that, as long as you aren't hurting anybody along the way, deliberately, or otherwise.
And maybe this has nothing to do with the saying, and maybe it has everything to do with it. I think, collectively, so many people have lost touch with the human emotion. We do. We don't often 'do' with great thought. We have become a very thoughtless culture. Always in go-mode and never just 'in' life. We speak but aren't heard. We listen but don't hear. And we all want to walk around saying "I don't care what ______ has to say about me. I don't care what anyone thinks of me".
But the truth is, we care. We care ALOT of what others think of us. But instead of appearing affected or hurt or whatever the emotion may be, we send out the thug version of ourselves as soon as we feel threatened. Our badass version of ourselves feels nothing. But, as much as I'd like to say "I don't care what anyone thinks of me", I can't. I'd be lying. I do care what people think of me. I would like to leave this world, if this were my last day, with the respect and love of others. With the people I care about, caring about me. I think I've been doing this for a long time, and I think I am pretty done with it now. The thug works most of the time. Once we have settled on not caring about the world around us, we never really feel how it affects us in a negative light. But the sad part is, we never really feel how it affects us positively either. Or how it has the ability to move us. Or how we have the ability to feel passionate about something; a beautiful piece of music, a fantastic savoury meal, a piece of art, the comfiest socks, whatever. Point is, if we never really feel, we never really live. We coast, but that's not living. I've grown tired of coasting. I'd rather 'feel' whatever is to come my way. And I guess in saying that I'm opening myself up to feel hurt, vulnerable, exposed, etc. But, I'm also opening myself up to feel moved, and passionate, and loved. And I think that's a pretty great thing.
So a more appropriate way of putting it, for me, would go something along the lines of "live for the day, but not only for that day, you gotta live for the big picture".
It's so limiting and arresting. It keeps us in limbo. Only living for one day, everyday. Never looking forward, never dreaming, never reaching around your own current situations and your thoughts to see a better, brighter, more vibrant future. If you only live for the day, you only ever live one day, in essence, because of course, you are living one day at a time, every day, consecutively, not concurrently.
And I also have to believe that (for me, anyway) it would often lead to a lot of carelessness and foolish behaviour. If we are under the notion that everyday is, or very well could be our last, then, in theory, there would be no consequences. Which is why I say, my 'last day' would get me arrested. Living for each day, singular, would lead to so much disconnection. Would we ever really connect with people?! With OUR people? I really don't think we would. I know I'd be out doing shit. Nothing in particular, just shit I wanna do. Shit that I haven't done yet. I'd sing somewhere, I'd travel somewhere, I'd probably get silly on some drinks, and what the hell, it's my last day, experiment in the art of hallucinating. Actually, I probably would skip the drugs, wouldn't want to shorten up the last day just because I got a little over zealous with some funny mushrooms.
But if we live each day like we are going to live forever, then we have all the time in the world to accomplish what we want to accomplish, see what we want to see, and do everything we want to do. It would leave so much open air time to just 'be'. To be in each moment, big or small. Whether it's a coffee with a friend, or dancing naked on the Eiffel Tower, we'd be 'in' every moment and not just getting through each moment to skip on to the next. And if we are just living for the moment or the day, are we really aware or conscious of what kind of reverberations will be felt by out actions?! Probably not. So living for the moment is fine, as long as you are aware that chances are you are probably going to be here tomorrow to see the results of your actions. Because it is nice to be able to be free and be doing what you want when you want, as long as you aren't deliberating hurting anyone along the way. Scratch that, as long as you aren't hurting anybody along the way, deliberately, or otherwise.
And maybe this has nothing to do with the saying, and maybe it has everything to do with it. I think, collectively, so many people have lost touch with the human emotion. We do. We don't often 'do' with great thought. We have become a very thoughtless culture. Always in go-mode and never just 'in' life. We speak but aren't heard. We listen but don't hear. And we all want to walk around saying "I don't care what ______ has to say about me. I don't care what anyone thinks of me".
But the truth is, we care. We care ALOT of what others think of us. But instead of appearing affected or hurt or whatever the emotion may be, we send out the thug version of ourselves as soon as we feel threatened. Our badass version of ourselves feels nothing. But, as much as I'd like to say "I don't care what anyone thinks of me", I can't. I'd be lying. I do care what people think of me. I would like to leave this world, if this were my last day, with the respect and love of others. With the people I care about, caring about me. I think I've been doing this for a long time, and I think I am pretty done with it now. The thug works most of the time. Once we have settled on not caring about the world around us, we never really feel how it affects us in a negative light. But the sad part is, we never really feel how it affects us positively either. Or how it has the ability to move us. Or how we have the ability to feel passionate about something; a beautiful piece of music, a fantastic savoury meal, a piece of art, the comfiest socks, whatever. Point is, if we never really feel, we never really live. We coast, but that's not living. I've grown tired of coasting. I'd rather 'feel' whatever is to come my way. And I guess in saying that I'm opening myself up to feel hurt, vulnerable, exposed, etc. But, I'm also opening myself up to feel moved, and passionate, and loved. And I think that's a pretty great thing.
So a more appropriate way of putting it, for me, would go something along the lines of "live for the day, but not only for that day, you gotta live for the big picture".
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A dream is a wish your heart makes...
I think I spend most of my time day dreaming. Not because life is so mundane that there is nothing else to do. But just because I find it particularly appealing to dream about things as I wish they were and not as they are. I find it particularly disheartening to hear the phrase, “I never dream”. Even if you don’t dream in your sleep, you dream. Everyone dreams. Whether they are big dreams, or small dreams, or dreams exclusive to the heart, they are dreams nonetheless.
As of late, I have been dreaming exclusively with my big, stupid heart. Big dreams, exclusive to the heart, kind of dreams. And it’s always such a letdown when you think you are dreaming so hard, the hardest, that it is impossible for your dream to not come to fruition. You are dreaming the hardest and no one could possibly be dreaming quite as hard as you.
And yes, I understand that wishing and hoping and dreaming is useless unless you are taking some kind of action towards your particular fantasy. Which is why my heart is particularly disappointed today. Usually I just kind of sit back and let things play out as they should, as they were meant, with no particular action or investment on my part. But as of late, I sort of invested in something with my heart whole heartedly, I might add. I jumped in feet first, or heart first as it were, only to have my dreams crushed. Well, not exactly crushed, but I’m the type of person, that is kind of a selfish asshole, and when I don’t get what I want, how I want it, when I want it, I feel silly for having wanted it in the first place. I’m not the type to pout, or sulk, or through a hissy fit. It’s more of an inner discouragement. It’s kind of a, “Why bother?” type feeling that doesn’t easily shove out of the mind.
But aside from being a selfish asshole, I am also a stubborn asshole. I really don’t, can’t, won’t give up that easily. It could very well be a severe case of, “I just want what I can’t have”. But things seem different this time. This time, I could have had exactly what I wanted, but having left things up to circumstance and chance, because I like things to happen organically and hate when things feel forced, I missed the boat. Or the boat missed me, or perhaps, it ran me over, repeatedly, not sure which, but either way, it hurt like a Monday morning. And I have to say, it doesn’t happen often that I don’t get my way, and when I don’t, I can say with confidence, I certainly don’t like the feeling. And because I don’t want to sound like a HUGE asshole, I will say, it’s not that I didn’t get my way, per say, that has me so flustered. It’s the fact that, not often do I want something so badly that I willingly jump feet first/heart first into it. I can be a little guarded, to say the least, so when I finally do decide to be less guarded, and something like this happens. I feel silly. Discouraged, and silly.
But if every heart break, or disappointment, or discouragement led us to surrender, we’d never really live. We’d never really be hurt, we’d never really feel, and we’d never really experience anything other than the same old, same old. And we’d also never really know when something truly special came waltzing into our lives. So, I missed the boat, or the boat missed me, or I got run over. So what? Shit happens. And it’s going to happen again and again…and again. I’d be lying if I said I had never broken someone’s heart, because I have, and I think I did it with kindness. Rather, I did it with kind intentions, because I know what it is to be the breakee, and not the breaker.
So call me a dreamer, if you wish, but I don’t think I am the only one ;)
Super XO
As of late, I have been dreaming exclusively with my big, stupid heart. Big dreams, exclusive to the heart, kind of dreams. And it’s always such a letdown when you think you are dreaming so hard, the hardest, that it is impossible for your dream to not come to fruition. You are dreaming the hardest and no one could possibly be dreaming quite as hard as you.
And yes, I understand that wishing and hoping and dreaming is useless unless you are taking some kind of action towards your particular fantasy. Which is why my heart is particularly disappointed today. Usually I just kind of sit back and let things play out as they should, as they were meant, with no particular action or investment on my part. But as of late, I sort of invested in something with my heart whole heartedly, I might add. I jumped in feet first, or heart first as it were, only to have my dreams crushed. Well, not exactly crushed, but I’m the type of person, that is kind of a selfish asshole, and when I don’t get what I want, how I want it, when I want it, I feel silly for having wanted it in the first place. I’m not the type to pout, or sulk, or through a hissy fit. It’s more of an inner discouragement. It’s kind of a, “Why bother?” type feeling that doesn’t easily shove out of the mind.
But aside from being a selfish asshole, I am also a stubborn asshole. I really don’t, can’t, won’t give up that easily. It could very well be a severe case of, “I just want what I can’t have”. But things seem different this time. This time, I could have had exactly what I wanted, but having left things up to circumstance and chance, because I like things to happen organically and hate when things feel forced, I missed the boat. Or the boat missed me, or perhaps, it ran me over, repeatedly, not sure which, but either way, it hurt like a Monday morning. And I have to say, it doesn’t happen often that I don’t get my way, and when I don’t, I can say with confidence, I certainly don’t like the feeling. And because I don’t want to sound like a HUGE asshole, I will say, it’s not that I didn’t get my way, per say, that has me so flustered. It’s the fact that, not often do I want something so badly that I willingly jump feet first/heart first into it. I can be a little guarded, to say the least, so when I finally do decide to be less guarded, and something like this happens. I feel silly. Discouraged, and silly.
But if every heart break, or disappointment, or discouragement led us to surrender, we’d never really live. We’d never really be hurt, we’d never really feel, and we’d never really experience anything other than the same old, same old. And we’d also never really know when something truly special came waltzing into our lives. So, I missed the boat, or the boat missed me, or I got run over. So what? Shit happens. And it’s going to happen again and again…and again. I’d be lying if I said I had never broken someone’s heart, because I have, and I think I did it with kindness. Rather, I did it with kind intentions, because I know what it is to be the breakee, and not the breaker.
So call me a dreamer, if you wish, but I don’t think I am the only one ;)
Super XO
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
A quick and endless year...
If anything can be learned in this year that has passed, it is to appreciate who and what you have in every waking moment. Life as you know it can change in an instant. Just like that.
Believe and have faith in your own strength and the strength of those around you. You will need it. Be gracious and better appreciate the words of others as they are spoken to you. Speak thoughtfully. Love deeply and truly. Find purpose. Be compassionate and understanding. Help a healing soul. It can heal yours as well. Laugh. Cry. Hurt. Feel. Heal. We are all in this beautiful horrendous mess called life until our time on this earth has come to an end. This is when we will go on forever. In the hearts and thoughts of the ones we leave behind.
Almost a year ago an angel got his wings. He cradles his child. His face, his voice, and his touch is missed but his presence is felt always. It is surrounding. Forever and always in our hearts, our thoughts and our prayers. You are missed. May God bless and keep you always. xo
Believe and have faith in your own strength and the strength of those around you. You will need it. Be gracious and better appreciate the words of others as they are spoken to you. Speak thoughtfully. Love deeply and truly. Find purpose. Be compassionate and understanding. Help a healing soul. It can heal yours as well. Laugh. Cry. Hurt. Feel. Heal. We are all in this beautiful horrendous mess called life until our time on this earth has come to an end. This is when we will go on forever. In the hearts and thoughts of the ones we leave behind.
Almost a year ago an angel got his wings. He cradles his child. His face, his voice, and his touch is missed but his presence is felt always. It is surrounding. Forever and always in our hearts, our thoughts and our prayers. You are missed. May God bless and keep you always. xo
And when your world has come crashing down upon you...
You are left to feel the heartache, the change, and the pain. Know that you are not alone. It is a vibration. It is resounding. We feel it too. No one can know your pain, although, it is felt. It too, is surrounding. Through your every laugh, your every cry, your every emotion. It is felt, without any words.
What, where, who, and how are all questions we have answers to. WHY? There may never be an answer. It is the most significant of all. Yet, the only one that goes unexplained. We walk through life unknowing and questioning. Our beliefs, our faith and our own strength. Just when we feel our life has taken a path, our feet steady on the ground. In one fleeting moment, it is shaken. The ground is moved from beneath us. Disturbed. Some are left her to mend wounds, and some are taken from this earth. From us. For reasons we will never know. Until our day has come. Find comfort in that one day you will know. When you are at peace. Reunited.
Here we are left to pick up the pieces. To try and put this maddening puzzle back together again. Except this time, one piece is missing. Another mis-shapen, and another broken. Again, I say, mend, heal, feel. To laugh and to cry and to try for a better day. We are left. Shattered. We try for a better hour, a better minute, a better second.
Know and believe that your strength and courage is empowering. Not only to you, but to those who surround you. Our faith in you will never fade, will never cease to exist. Here you stand. If you fall, look for my hand. There it will be. Just in arms reach. I will help you up and he will carry you. Remember, only half a step behind. Right there with you. He moves behind you. Forever and always. In all ways. Carry your love with you always, as he carries you.Cherish it. Miss it.
It has already been a year. Only a year. A blink, yet, an eternity. We move forward. We move on. carrying him with us. Your faith, our hope and strength will carry us through. We never forget. Be thankful. Be gracious and be kind. Be extremely happy and be extremely sad. His presence is a present from above. Here he is. With you. Forever and always. Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
What, where, who, and how are all questions we have answers to. WHY? There may never be an answer. It is the most significant of all. Yet, the only one that goes unexplained. We walk through life unknowing and questioning. Our beliefs, our faith and our own strength. Just when we feel our life has taken a path, our feet steady on the ground. In one fleeting moment, it is shaken. The ground is moved from beneath us. Disturbed. Some are left her to mend wounds, and some are taken from this earth. From us. For reasons we will never know. Until our day has come. Find comfort in that one day you will know. When you are at peace. Reunited.
Here we are left to pick up the pieces. To try and put this maddening puzzle back together again. Except this time, one piece is missing. Another mis-shapen, and another broken. Again, I say, mend, heal, feel. To laugh and to cry and to try for a better day. We are left. Shattered. We try for a better hour, a better minute, a better second.
Know and believe that your strength and courage is empowering. Not only to you, but to those who surround you. Our faith in you will never fade, will never cease to exist. Here you stand. If you fall, look for my hand. There it will be. Just in arms reach. I will help you up and he will carry you. Remember, only half a step behind. Right there with you. He moves behind you. Forever and always. In all ways. Carry your love with you always, as he carries you.Cherish it. Miss it.
It has already been a year. Only a year. A blink, yet, an eternity. We move forward. We move on. carrying him with us. Your faith, our hope and strength will carry us through. We never forget. Be thankful. Be gracious and be kind. Be extremely happy and be extremely sad. His presence is a present from above. Here he is. With you. Forever and always. Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Things...
Just some random things on my mind today. No particular rhyme or reason. Just things. Writing them as they come at me. Things I think about. Things I probably think too much about. But here I am, sharing, with you. Enjoy.
People keep telling me to write. That I should be a writer. Which I find fascinating. I really don't have much to say. I just say what's on my mind. I write what I feel and I write my experiences. I write what I know. I write, and often question, what I don't know. And maybe that's what makes it good. It's just nice, to be be able to relate. That's all I do. I write the things we are all experiencing on the daily. We are all just trying to make it, in this life. Just get by, with as little grief as possible. For me, I think it's important to write from the heart. Because it's real. It's genuine. It's relate-able. And maybe that's what makes it captivating. We are all looking, on some level, to find someone or something that "gets" us. Someone to say, "Oh my, ME too!"
And because I don't want to seem boastful or equivocating, I will say that, while I have mentioned there are many who encourage my writing, I am fairly positive that there as just as many who would prefer I never write another word as long as I live.
And so I have to think to myself, if my writing can be so relate-able, can I? So, yet another challenge I lay before myself, I want to be as honest, and genuine, and forthright as my words on paper...or screen. And I think that's important. It's so easy to write something down. Something real. Something 'you'. Something that exposes us in one way or another. Because it's only in type. We can erase, delete, not send etc etc. BUT, once we've said it out loud, there is no turning back. Once we have put our thoughts/feelings/experiences into voice, there they really are. Exposing us. To the mother-lovin' core. We're so vulnerable and afraid. So for me, it has come a time to be exposed and vulnerable, and maybe, just maybe, a little fearless. It's a scary feeling. I like it...
We're only human. What's the worst that can happen? Someone won't like us? S'ok, if they don't like you for who you truly are, it was only a matter of time before they stopped liking you for your concealed self, anyways. I mean, really, that's not such a terrible thing. I think, or at least I hope, I will find myself surrounded by more sincere people. Real, salt of the earth, type people. People I can truly relate to. And for that matter, people who can truly relate to me. I think that will eliminate some of the disingenuous things in life.
While on this quest, or journey, or experiment, or challenge, or whatever it is that you want to call this. There are some things to consider. Some guide lines, if you will.
Don't be disingenuous. It's off putting.
If you don't want to be hurt unnecessarily, don't hurt people unnecessarily.
If you want people to respect you, you have to respect your self.
If you can't keep a promise to yourself, how will you one to someone else?
If you say you are going to do something, do it. Commit.
Stay open.
Stay human.
Simple. Right? LOL We'll see how this goes. Stay tuned!
Super XO
People keep telling me to write. That I should be a writer. Which I find fascinating. I really don't have much to say. I just say what's on my mind. I write what I feel and I write my experiences. I write what I know. I write, and often question, what I don't know. And maybe that's what makes it good. It's just nice, to be be able to relate. That's all I do. I write the things we are all experiencing on the daily. We are all just trying to make it, in this life. Just get by, with as little grief as possible. For me, I think it's important to write from the heart. Because it's real. It's genuine. It's relate-able. And maybe that's what makes it captivating. We are all looking, on some level, to find someone or something that "gets" us. Someone to say, "Oh my, ME too!"
And because I don't want to seem boastful or equivocating, I will say that, while I have mentioned there are many who encourage my writing, I am fairly positive that there as just as many who would prefer I never write another word as long as I live.
And so I have to think to myself, if my writing can be so relate-able, can I? So, yet another challenge I lay before myself, I want to be as honest, and genuine, and forthright as my words on paper...or screen. And I think that's important. It's so easy to write something down. Something real. Something 'you'. Something that exposes us in one way or another. Because it's only in type. We can erase, delete, not send etc etc. BUT, once we've said it out loud, there is no turning back. Once we have put our thoughts/feelings/experiences into voice, there they really are. Exposing us. To the mother-lovin' core. We're so vulnerable and afraid. So for me, it has come a time to be exposed and vulnerable, and maybe, just maybe, a little fearless. It's a scary feeling. I like it...
We're only human. What's the worst that can happen? Someone won't like us? S'ok, if they don't like you for who you truly are, it was only a matter of time before they stopped liking you for your concealed self, anyways. I mean, really, that's not such a terrible thing. I think, or at least I hope, I will find myself surrounded by more sincere people. Real, salt of the earth, type people. People I can truly relate to. And for that matter, people who can truly relate to me. I think that will eliminate some of the disingenuous things in life.
While on this quest, or journey, or experiment, or challenge, or whatever it is that you want to call this. There are some things to consider. Some guide lines, if you will.
Don't be disingenuous. It's off putting.
If you don't want to be hurt unnecessarily, don't hurt people unnecessarily.
If you want people to respect you, you have to respect your self.
If you can't keep a promise to yourself, how will you one to someone else?
If you say you are going to do something, do it. Commit.
Stay open.
Stay human.
Simple. Right? LOL We'll see how this goes. Stay tuned!
Super XO
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Spring cleaning...
I have no idea what "day" this is supposed to be. I haven't kept up on my writing, on here. As I mentioned in my last post, I have found a certain serenity in writing to something or someone that will never/can never be read. It's become a journal, or an outlet, or something of that nature. Just what I need to say, without being nailed to the cross for having said it.
So, in light of the new season upon us, I have proposed a new challenge for myself. To do a little spring cleaning. Not the typical spring cleaning we are all used to. You know, closets, basements, opening up the windows and letting the swift and cool spring breeze sweep over our houses. Not that. Something a little more cleansing.
I'm talking about a spring cleaning for the soul. It might sound crazy. And maybe it is. And maybe, just maybe, that's why I like it.
I'm not exactly sure where to start. Or how to start. Or what outcome I am looking for, exactly. All I know is, there has got to be more to this beautiful mess we call life. And I think the key to finding the 'more' is to lighten the load. And I don't mean physically...however, that couldn't hurt with bathing suit season around the corner, I mean mentally. Emotionally.
We have all had days, weeks, months, years etc, that we just felt blah. Heavy. Dark. Dreary. Miserable. Fearful. Whatever the emotion, it put a strain on life. On love. On all the things we strive for. So, I guess what I am proposing to myself is, to let go of these feelings. To "lighten the load". I think a big part of that, for me anyways, has a lot to do with letting go of the past and looking forward, positively, to the future. The last few years have been an uphill battle, to say the least.
And at the ripe age of 27, I feel I have experienced some very valuable life lessons in these last few years. But it wasn't until recently that I have realized this. I think that, in the moment, we lose sight of the fact that there *is* a lesson in all of life's trials and tribulations. Sometimes the lesson is unclear, but we have to hold on to the notion that it is, in fact, there. Whatever it may be.
Throughout the course of each of our lifetimes, we will experience many ups and downs, ebbs and flows, gains and losses, loves and loves lost. In order to appreciate the one, we have to sacrifice our souls for the other, momentarily anyways. Our highest highs are only as high as lowest lows, respectively. Meaning that, how would we know how truly lucky and grateful to be for the 'high' if we had never experienced a 'low'?! For me, I compare it to love. For many of us, we will have had many relationships in our time. I think we are the lucky ones. To have experienced such love, in all forms, many times over. I am of the belief (I think) that just because a relationship is over that that means so is the love we experienced or felt for that person. Nor does it mean that your next relationship will suffer for it. It doesn't mean that because you still have love for the relationship past, that this new blossoming one, will experience any less love. It will be a different love.
And that's the beauty of love. It's ever changing. And, I think, ever lasting too. So here's the key, let go of things past. Respect the form in which it was presented to you, and respect its new form. It's like a shape that can't be described, or a smell that takes you back to a memory. Or like a place that exists only now in your mind and your heart that you can retreat to quietly every now and again, and experience that day, second, minute, lifetime, all over again. Even if, just for a moment...
Spring cleaning, it's gonna be tough. But no one ever said that what was easy was best. So you have to be with me when I say, "It's worth the fight". To new beginnings, to old endings and to ever lasting and ever changing love.
Super XO
So, in light of the new season upon us, I have proposed a new challenge for myself. To do a little spring cleaning. Not the typical spring cleaning we are all used to. You know, closets, basements, opening up the windows and letting the swift and cool spring breeze sweep over our houses. Not that. Something a little more cleansing.
I'm talking about a spring cleaning for the soul. It might sound crazy. And maybe it is. And maybe, just maybe, that's why I like it.
I'm not exactly sure where to start. Or how to start. Or what outcome I am looking for, exactly. All I know is, there has got to be more to this beautiful mess we call life. And I think the key to finding the 'more' is to lighten the load. And I don't mean physically...however, that couldn't hurt with bathing suit season around the corner, I mean mentally. Emotionally.
We have all had days, weeks, months, years etc, that we just felt blah. Heavy. Dark. Dreary. Miserable. Fearful. Whatever the emotion, it put a strain on life. On love. On all the things we strive for. So, I guess what I am proposing to myself is, to let go of these feelings. To "lighten the load". I think a big part of that, for me anyways, has a lot to do with letting go of the past and looking forward, positively, to the future. The last few years have been an uphill battle, to say the least.
And at the ripe age of 27, I feel I have experienced some very valuable life lessons in these last few years. But it wasn't until recently that I have realized this. I think that, in the moment, we lose sight of the fact that there *is* a lesson in all of life's trials and tribulations. Sometimes the lesson is unclear, but we have to hold on to the notion that it is, in fact, there. Whatever it may be.
Throughout the course of each of our lifetimes, we will experience many ups and downs, ebbs and flows, gains and losses, loves and loves lost. In order to appreciate the one, we have to sacrifice our souls for the other, momentarily anyways. Our highest highs are only as high as lowest lows, respectively. Meaning that, how would we know how truly lucky and grateful to be for the 'high' if we had never experienced a 'low'?! For me, I compare it to love. For many of us, we will have had many relationships in our time. I think we are the lucky ones. To have experienced such love, in all forms, many times over. I am of the belief (I think) that just because a relationship is over that that means so is the love we experienced or felt for that person. Nor does it mean that your next relationship will suffer for it. It doesn't mean that because you still have love for the relationship past, that this new blossoming one, will experience any less love. It will be a different love.
And that's the beauty of love. It's ever changing. And, I think, ever lasting too. So here's the key, let go of things past. Respect the form in which it was presented to you, and respect its new form. It's like a shape that can't be described, or a smell that takes you back to a memory. Or like a place that exists only now in your mind and your heart that you can retreat to quietly every now and again, and experience that day, second, minute, lifetime, all over again. Even if, just for a moment...
Spring cleaning, it's gonna be tough. But no one ever said that what was easy was best. So you have to be with me when I say, "It's worth the fight". To new beginnings, to old endings and to ever lasting and ever changing love.
Super XO
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