Aware...

It has never been my intention to try and please everybody. Actually, it has always been my intention to try and not displease anybody. Which, as it turns out, is much harder work. It's like Zoloft for human interacting. Cutting off the highs and lows, the risks and the results just so no one walks away from me with a passionate enough of an understanding of what they liked...or for what they didn't like.

And I'm not gonna go head to head with those of you who might disagree with me, but I will say, if you have been living your life trying to be irrelevant, then, you probably know what I mean. Trying to get along, trying to get by, trying not displease anyone in the way of your latest high. It's certainly no easy task, being irrelevant.

Since I have grown tired of this silly little game, I think its time I became relevant, or irrelevant, depending on who you ask. Because the perception will go both ways. 50 percent of the people will hate you for it and 50 percent of the people will love you for it. But 100 percent of you will be true, to you. If we only worry about those who will love us for our relevance or irrelevance then we are just trying to please, and if we only concentrate on the 50 percent that will disagree on us, then we will only be concerned with our own demise in the eyes of others. It's time, for me...and maybe for you too, to stop caring what others think and just 'be'.

When everyone agrees on you, you become even more irrelevant. You disappear. That's why there are 5 words for good, and 5000 for bad. Which is why I'm not really interested in who and what agrees on me. I think I owe it to myself and to others to disregard the opinions of the 50/50 draw. Living life creatively and passionately while writing a negative life review of it simultaneously, is a great way to live unhappily. Of course it will take some time to stop being aware of being unaware. But I think that's wherein lies the beauty. Finding yourself, being content with yourself, and creating your life as it comes at you.

Do you see what I am saying? It's time to risk it all on life and how I want to live it. Because if I don't, I think I'll disappear. And maybe the best way to get to where I want to be. To disappear for a while, to be a aware of being totally unaware, and to consider the consideration that life IS what we make it. It all depends of who you ask, I suppose. But what I'm suggesting is that we don't ask anybody. We only ask ourselves. If you are not sure of what you love, and can be swayed by other peoples opinions, that means you can be talked out of it, and that's probably the scariest notion of all. Find out what you love, be it a piece of art, what city to live in, what job to have, what sandwich to have, or what underwear are comfiest, find whats good for you. No one else can tell you whats best for you, except you.

Is your boyfriend cute? Were your parents always right? Should you take that promotion and move to India? Are you going to wear that hat out? Was I wearing "mom" jeans the other day, or were they just high wasted pants?

Depends who you ask.

Which is an excellent reason to stop asking all together. Nobody's life goals, views, or shoes will ever be exactly like your own. And in those times where all you seem to do is clash with the answers you are asking, it is then that you will have to walk alone. Sound scarey? Sure. But if you do it with just the right of confidence and self-assurance, you might just find that you know whats best for you.