Spring cleaning...

I have no idea what "day" this is supposed to be. I haven't kept up on my writing, on here. As I mentioned in my last post, I have found a certain serenity in writing to something or someone that will never/can never be read. It's become a journal, or an outlet, or something of that nature. Just what I need to say, without being nailed to the cross for having said it.

So, in light of the new season upon us, I have proposed a new challenge for myself. To do a little spring cleaning. Not the typical spring cleaning we are all used to. You know, closets, basements, opening up the windows and letting the swift and cool spring breeze sweep over our houses. Not that. Something a little more cleansing.

I'm talking about a spring cleaning for the soul. It might sound crazy. And maybe it is. And maybe, just maybe, that's why I like it.

I'm not exactly sure where to start. Or how to start. Or what outcome I am looking for, exactly. All I know is, there has got to be more to this beautiful mess we call life. And I think the key to finding the 'more' is to lighten the load. And I don't mean physically...however, that couldn't hurt with bathing suit season around the corner, I mean mentally. Emotionally.

We have all had days, weeks, months, years etc, that we just felt blah. Heavy. Dark. Dreary. Miserable. Fearful. Whatever the emotion, it put a strain on life. On love. On all the things we strive for. So, I guess what I am proposing to myself is, to let go of these feelings. To "lighten the load". I think a big part of that, for me anyways, has a lot to do with letting go of the past and looking forward, positively, to the future. The last few years have been an uphill battle, to say the least.

And at the ripe age of 27, I feel I have experienced some very valuable life lessons in these last few years. But it wasn't until recently that I have realized this. I think that, in the moment, we lose sight of the fact that there *is* a lesson in all of life's trials and tribulations. Sometimes the lesson is unclear, but we have to hold on to the notion that it is, in fact, there. Whatever it may be.

Throughout the course of each of our lifetimes, we will experience many ups and downs, ebbs and flows, gains and losses, loves and loves lost. In order to appreciate the one, we have to sacrifice our souls for the other, momentarily anyways. Our highest highs are only as high as lowest lows, respectively. Meaning that, how would we know how truly lucky and grateful to be for the 'high' if we had never experienced a 'low'?! For me, I compare it to love. For many of us, we will have had many relationships in our time. I think we are the lucky ones. To have experienced such love, in all forms, many times over. I am of the belief (I think) that just because a relationship is over that that means so is the love we experienced or felt for that person. Nor does it mean that your next relationship will suffer for it. It doesn't mean that because you still have love for the relationship past, that this new blossoming one, will experience any less love. It will be a different love.

And that's the beauty of love. It's ever changing. And, I think, ever lasting too. So here's the key, let go of things past. Respect the form in which it was presented to you, and respect its new form. It's like a shape that can't be described, or a smell that takes you back to a memory. Or like a place that exists only now in your mind and your heart that you can retreat to quietly every now and again, and experience that day, second, minute, lifetime, all over again. Even if, just for a moment...

Spring cleaning, it's gonna be tough. But no one ever said that what was easy was best. So you have to be with me when I say, "It's worth the fight". To new beginnings, to old endings and to ever lasting and ever changing love.

Super XO